My social media feed continues to stream content regarding Disney’s latest release #BeautyandTheBeast. The response is a variety of reactions based on each friend’s cultural approach and personal as well as religious values.
While much is being written for parents of children who will want to see this movie, we have a couple of choices and possibly an opportunity to begin or continue an important yet possibly #UncomfortableConversation with our children.
1) We can refuse to allow our school aged children to view the movie and possibly isolate them from the controversy and potential exposure to same sex romantic innuendos.
2) We can take them hoping most of the more mature content (which is often the case) goes straight over their heads and save necessary discussions for another day.
The biggest challenge to both of these is the same sex content in the movie is not only being discussed on various media outlets but conversations about Disney’s approach can be overheard not only by adults but also most likely by your child’s same aged peers in a variety of settings.
As a professional counselor who speaks often to parents in the school and church community, I want to encourage parents of elementary and middle school children to choose an additional option.
3) We can have a brief conversation about same sex relationships that occur in our society and share our personal values about them with our children. We can also allow our children an opportunity to share what they already know. Finally, we can offer an invitation for them to approach us in the future to discuss topics related to sex further and depending on the age of the child, also extend the assurance that viewpoints that disagree with the family values shared will be treated with kindness and respect.
We can further add that as a family, we are committed to treat others in our community who have a different approach to same sex relationships with kindness and respect. WARNING: Your child will believe not what you’ve just said but what you demonstrate with your words and actions. (They are watching us and listening even when they have a screen in front of their face.)
These awkward discussions need to become a regular part of everyday conversations with our children so that we prepare them for the world in which they live and set ourselves up as both a sounding board and a moral as well as spiritual compass as they grow and develop.
With regular occurrences (and maybe a little practice on our parts), we as parents whom research still supports as the number one influencers over our children’s lives, can establish a pattern of regular frequency of conversations that go much deeper than “What did you do at school today?” and “How was practice?”
Counselor Tips:
1) If you aren’t comfortable with topics regarding sex, it’s a good idea to practice discussions with your spouse or another parent until your own possible anxious state disappears. If you aren’t comfortable, you child will quickly disengage and assure you there is no need for discussion.
2) If you have strong beliefs about any value based matter, you need to come to conversation equipped to either explain your thinking when questioned or answer honestly you are unsure and will think more about it and get back to them.
3) If you approach life from a faith based perspective, you need to be ready with scriptures to share what they say, your interpretation of them and how they apply to the topic at hand.
Helpful Resources. If we don’t preview a movie our kids are going to see, I often do some content research so I know if they might be scared or if there is something they might see I need to prepare them for in advance. Below are some links regarding a summary of Beauty and the Beast:
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/beauty-and-the-beast-2017
http://encouragingmomsathome.com/facts-beauty-beast-disney-movie-exclusively-gay-moment/
http://www.momapprovedblog.com/beauty-beast-mom-approved-review/
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below! How old is your child and will you take them to see this movie? What type of conversation do you plan to have with them and how did it go when you did? Please be respectful as you share of those who values and opinions on this matter differ from your own. If you happen to write a blog that pertains to parenting, you are welcome to share it in the comments along with your name. I love sharing with CounselorThoughts blog readers other great sources of parenting info on the web. (For my readers, any links shared are not an endorsement of content of course but an opportunity to continue learning from others.)
#CounselorThoughts #Parenting #ChristianParenting #TweenParenting #Sexuality #BeautyandtheBeast #UncomfortableConversations
We had this conversation with our 11 year old after I picked him up at school and saw a bulletin board outside the office advertising all sorts of sexualities one could identify with. I was so disturbed that my innocent 11 year old needed to be talked to about these things, but we went with it. Will be using your tips for the talk with our nine year old.
Yes, the world has definitely changed. I’m so glad you are able to use this post as you connect with your child and prepare them.
Blessings! Michelle
Great research on your part. I have 3 children whom I have taught to love all people. However, when the time was right my husband and I addressed the topic of homosexuality and how it displeases God. We detest the sin, not the sinner.
I’m glad you were able to share your values with your children and also encourage them to treat others who disagree with love. Thanks for reading and commenting. I love hearing from parents who have been there and done that.
Great perspective on this. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for reading. If you ever have questions or suggestions of topics you believe parents would like to ask a professional counselor, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Excellent advice. I agree with you completely about speaking to your children about it and about how we need to teach and demonstrate to our children that we treat everyone the same with respect. This is very important to us in our household, we may not agree with a lifestyle but they are sill people with feelings and we need to respect them.
Thanks for taking the time to read. It’s so encouraging that you are having these uncomfortable conversations and teaching your kids to demonstrate respect to those who disagree.
Carmen also include parenting content on her blog at times.
http://www.marriedbyhisgrace.com
I think this is fantastic information. I believe we do a disservice to our children when we attempt to remove them from these scenarios or avoid these topics. This is the reality of the world we live in, and our children deserve to have open communication with us about these things. My children love Disney and have been very excited about the new Beauty and the Beast movie. I will take my 10 year old daughter, but I think there might be too much intensity (scary moments) for my easily frightened 8 year old boy. I will definitely have open communication with my daughter about it as I always do. She always appreciates that she can talk openly with me about whatever she is thinking about.
I love your insight and I totally agree about the scary moments! I have a six year old and after reading the links and reviews I shared, my husband I have decided to leave him with family when we take our nine year old. I agree our children appreciate when we are open with them giving them permission to come to us with whatever they are learning about and experiencing.
Love this pose Michelle! And appreciate the great tips and resources. My kids are all boys and are 7 and under so they don’t have any desire to see the move. However, I got kind of excited about it as this was one of my favorites growing up. IF my boys had the desire to go I would take them. For me, things like this are easy doors to open into those #uncomfortableconversations with my kids. I love finding those opportunities to chat a little about things they see and notice. Do I wish it wasn’t a part of the movie that our beloved Disney produced? Sure. Will it stop me from supporting Disney? No. I think we would be boycotting the entire planet if we started on that train. At the end of the day, my Jesus commands me to love above all else and to love like He love me – right in the middle of my messy life. Thanks for your heart my friend!
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond Jennifer. I love the freedom we all have to choose our battles in our culture. Yes! I also love that you pointed out that it’s great to consider our children’s interests when selecting movies – especially in the theater setting. I know I have having a restless five year old boy on my lap and have at times wished we’d waited to see certain films at home with our older child so our youngest could occupy himself on his own.
Also, if you have a parenting blog, I always want you to feel free to share your site with my readers – so I’m including yours Jen.
http://amommasjoy.com
Love your mentioning how we treat those whose lifestyles we disagree with 🙂 thanks for this great post!
Thanks for reading. I want us to not only equip our children to understand and hopefully embrace our values but also be able to navigate well in the diverse culture in which they exist.
I had no idea beauty and the beast had this content! I was going to take my boys but now I’m not sure if I should. I have nothing against this contend but I feel like they just aren’t ready ya know. My oldest is 10 and it seems like the entire 4th grade has already seen Sausage Party… it super sucks that he’s the only one who isn’t allowed to see it. It feels like the guidelines parents are using today are different from those used when I was growing up. It seems like parents now have to do their own research if they want to keep their kids little just a little longer. Thank you for those resources!!
I so agree we do have to do our own research these days and am grateful for sites like http://www.commonsensemedia.com that help us make decisions for our children. I think there is no right age or time for these discussions that works for every family or child. We have to consider their maturity, life experiences, trust our intuition and for me prayerfully consider when the time is best.
I think your approach is the best for school aged children. I was already on the fence because my daughter is a bit young for the scary parts, but the additional concerns have given me pause for now, but she often asks about why she can’t watch something her friends can. We talk about Philippians 4:8 and how we choose what we watch. Lots of Smithsonian channel and cooking shows!
Yes! Isn’t it great we have so many other choices if we choose not view a certain media offering? I totally agree the content of the blog is for upper elementary age children and older.
When my children ask me why they can’t do one thing or another, my response is “because we’re Nietert’s and we make our own choices. Be prepared because as you get older, we will continue to make decisions with God’s guidance and they may not be the same ones your friend’s parents make. What _____’s do is up to them. You are a Nietert.” (helps to have an unusual name.)
My kids are all not only under the age of 8, but are also all boys that are homeschooled. Sex is not even a blip on their radar (yay!), and they don’t even know such a movie exists. When they’re older and more curious, I’m sure this conversation will come about naturally, as we make a point of discussing everything with them and are constantly having in-depth discussions.
I love that you are confident about what’s on your children’s blips on the radar. Sounds like you are prepared when the time comes. I encourage you to keep watch on their social interactions with friends in extracurricular activities and even church as they age. At the counseling center, we’ve had homeschool parents very surprised with information their children gained from those around them who weren’t as sheltered.
When we asked the kids why they never talked about certain subject with their parents in family sessions, we received the answer, “You never asked.” I confess for me as a parent it keeps me both on my toes and knees wanting to ask and praying they will share what’s on their minds and hearts.
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate that CounselorThoughts readers have different approaches to parenting and education.
I like how you encourage talking to children. I love Beauty and the Beast since I was little and can’t wait to see this movie for myself.
We saw the movie and I think that what I saw on Facebook really blew things out of proportion. I took my nine year old daughter and we both loved it (although she is at the stage where she says romance makes her “uncomfortable” – especially with a beast who looked so life like. LOL). I did discuss with her the nuances and she said she kind of noticed them but just dismissed them. I’m glad we have open conversations and would love to know what you think after you view the movie.