Managing tween emotions is an issue that drives many parents of tweens to come to me for help. I was excited to chat with Jill Savage and her granddaughter Rilyn on the Be(Tween) Podcast. I hope this three-part series gives you some pointers when facing tween emotions in your family.
Be(Tween) is a podcast for tweens, by a tween, Rilyn. Co-hosted with her nana, Jill Savage, best-selling author of the “No More Perfect” series. Be(Tween) encourages boys and girls (ages 8-12) to be bold, be honest and be the best they can be. Rilyn and Jill talk about the real stuff in the life of tweens.
In this episode, we talked about managing tween emotions. Jill confessed that she didn’t learn a lot about managing feelings when she was a tween. In fact, she didn’t learn about feelings until she was an adult. Although she wished she’d learned about it when she was younger. That’s why they asked invited me over to explore all things feelings. And that’s a big order–all things feelings–because we girls have a lot of feelings, don’t we?
Managing Tween Emotions
Tween Struggles
I see lots of kids Rilyn’s age in my counseling center in Dallas. In fact, tweens are about the youngest I’m seeing right now. I used to see all the way down to three, but I left play therapy and the floor behind. These days I really enjoy talk therapy with older kids, and then teenagers and adults.
Something a lot of tweens that I see struggle with is relationships, especially tween girls. That’s because their friendships are changing a lot during the ages of 9 to 13. During this time they struggle a lot with “Will people like me?” and “Am I likable?”
Another thing tweens struggle with is that they’ve moved past the, “I’m scared of my bed,” phase. But sometimes they have other fears as they go to school. Tween years are often when kids start really thinking about grades. Sometimes it’s because that’s also when schools start giving grades.
Many tweens experience stress about schoolwork. That’s because grades, honor rolls, and the desire to do well become a bigger focus. Sometimes that stress makes them do better, but sometimes it shuts them down. Those things come into play for this age group and can affect how they feel about themselves.
Every once in a while, I meet kids who are just sad. Often, something has happened in their life that was sad. Because of this they just “got stuck.” Those are some of the reasons I meet kids. Another reason I meet a lot of kids is for focus. They’re struggling with managing their time and getting their assignments done. Maybe they can’t focus in school, and I work with kids on that as well.
Managing Tween Emotions
Sleep and Your Tween
Tweens don’t necessarily struggle as much with sleep as maybe a younger child would. Yet sometimes when they go to bed at night, they have a hard time turning off their thoughts.
Possibly this is because when kids are younger, parents read them bedtime stories. That’s actually a great way to distract the mind from some of the worries of the day, or worries about the future. But as kids get older, a lot of them quit reading before they go to bed at night. Parents don’t do tuck-ins the same way that they did when they were younger. Parents want bedtimes to move more quickly as they get older. They don’t spend the time rubbing backs, talking quietly, and snuggling which all help calm kids. Kids tell me they are stuck with a lot of thoughts in their heads before they go to bed. That can keep them from being able to go to sleep. Their bodies are tense and they have a hard time relaxing.
That’s one of the reasons we wrote our devotional Loved and Cherished. We hoped it would be good for girls to read it at night before they go to bed. Our desire is that it would give them something else to think about–to distract their mind.
If you’re a parent of a tween, I encourage you to ask them what thoughts run through their heads at bedtime. You can let them know that many of us struggle with our thoughts. You can help them direct their minds towards positive memories, dreams, and even scriptures of God‘s promises for good days to come.
Managing Tween Emotions
I hope you’re learning a lot about managing tween emotions. In the next post, we’ll talk about how thoughts can become feelings.
Sometimes kids face intense feelings, whether it be sadness, or being mad, or scared. As parents, we want to help them to increase their emotional awareness. We do this by looking at what thoughts they had before they felt a certain feeling. The good news is thoughts can be changed and then feelings can be managed better. I can’t wait to share more about this.
Loved and Cherished
So often, girls and women give in to the lies that how they look and how popular they are determines their worth. But as children of God, we can have the confidence that we are loved, protected, secure, whole, and valuable because God is our heavenly father.
Loved and Cherished equips girls ages 8–12 to:
- Discover perfect, unconditional love in God, and that she doesn’t have to perform or be perfect to receive that love.
- Know she has God’s protection, despite living in an often-scary world.
- Let go of heartaches, fears, and failures, because she has the love she needs to face it.
- Build a strong foundation of faith on the love who will never leave her so she can face the challenges of growing up.
The perfect gift for any girl who deserves to know she is cherished, treasured, valuable, and worthy.
Get your copy here: Loved and Cherished
The Between Podcast
Be(Tween) is a podcast for tweens, by a tween, Rilyn. Co-hosted with her nana, Jill Savage, best-selling author of the “No More Perfect” series. Be(Tween) encourages boys and girls (ages 8-12) to be bold, be honest and be the best they can be. Rilyn and Jill talk about the real stuff in the life of tweens.
Listen to this episode here: All About Feelings with Michelle Nietert
Stay tuned for our next post in Managing Tween Emotions!
Warmly,
Michelle
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